Rumors!

A lot is said, a lot is spread..
but truth remains unspoken.
A lot that was left unsaid,
speaks volumes for itself!
Between what is said and left unsaid,
flows the river of presumptions.
Rumors dear are make-believe,
 for truth indeed is stranger than fiction!

Blossom of life

Here comes the new beginning,

the blossoms of new of love and life..

Gone are the years of drought,

those seasons of gloom and grief.

The long awaited spring of life
covers the scars of the parched lands
spreading colors of joy and life,
bestowing a promise of eternal bliss.
Time it is to stop and smell the flowers,

spread the wings and fly your soul
we know not what the next season is

come live the moment and live the dream.

Innocent Follies....

Our lives are drifting apart

in our stubborn contest of wills,

and missing still in this rift

is a sense of purpose to split....

Somewhere amidst those times

between depths and lengths of pain

and the heights and hollows of love,

I still find me in love with the one i hate

or is me in love with the one that hates me?
which one holds true, unsure of that I am now...
Unsure I am, of anything anymore...
Is it the rain splashing out there
against my window now?
Or is it the storm lashing
forming whirlpools in my eyes?
I see those shadows are lurking again
shadows where my demons are hiding..
And those demons are coming back,
to haunt me yet one more time!
The demons of my innocent follies
Those that refuse to die,
Those that refuse to kill me one time
and those that haunt me again and again..
They make a merry in my pain
That pain that never ceases to drain...
Is this life a circle or a circus?
I know not anything anymore...
Will the demons and the storm die?
I know not anything anymore....

I am a sinner...

I deserve to be punished
For I am a great sinner
I live but with many regrets
Death is yet to make its call...
I seek absolution my lord
But my penitence is deep rooted
Redemption seems still far away
For I am guilty of many a sin.
Silent tears that streamed out
From my mother's painful cries
Are witnesses to my first sin;
The original sin of my birth!
I rebelled and I persisted
I fought to live and survive
Living this life of adverse fortune
Well, that was another sin...
I took and gave intolerable pain
While seeking that eternal bliss
All I wanted was love and be loved
And that became a bigger sin.

I dont yet love you less......

Some more days
and more empty nights
the passing shadows of night
reflecting colorless times
those countless moments
of love, sorrow and longing..
vanished into the passing shadows
yet there are so many more to go..
I wait here for that time
when it would all pass;
the pain, the anguish
and also my love for you.
I wait here in the hope
that I love you less,
that I breath hope again
and laugh, love and live..
But I love you more today
Than I did yesterday;
and with each passing day
I may love you even more......
I thought it wasn't love
that it was a fleeting infatuation
that may fade with time
I waited for it to fade away
and not leave any scars behind

But Oh I was so wrong
I am more in love than I was then
this love hurts but I love the hurt too..

Many days passed thenceforth

but I do not yet love you less
guess I will spend this life loving you
for I cannot just love you any less.....

by my window....

By my window
As I look out
Down the street
This empty day
Watching life
Slip away
Moments, minutes
Days and nights
Gazing out
for a glimpse..
of what?
I know not what..
what am I searching?
What am I looking?
Is it an answer?
What is the question?
I am trying
to see
Through shadows
of passing figures
of strange strangers
causing the footprints
of the moments
and the memories
drift to dust 
of fathomless maze
Of what I think
is life...
By my window
I just wait,
for the cloudy dust
of myriad questions
to settle and clear
so I can flit
through the rubble
of grime and time
for some answers
to those questions
I am yet to learn....

path of love....

In this Path of love
We walked yesterday,
Hand in hand..
Our fingers entwined,
Revelling in bliss
Of pure ecstasy;
with lot of love and
lot many promises…

In this Path of love
We traveled other day
Tiptoeing around emotions
that played hide and seek
in wild unsatiated state...
while untold and told promises
Exchanged in our eyes
In precious moments of clarity…

In this path of love
We loved and lived
Lip to lip
Breath to breath;
Lost in a tight embrace
Until my soul met yours;
Deeply etched in our hearts
Are those unshakable memories…

In this journey of love
When did we drift?
How did we split..
and take different paths?
It was supposed to be
only when death did us apart..
How did we just break away
And then wished death upon us?

The lost path of love
We now travel
Marked with milestones
of pieces of broken hearts..
while you damaged me some,
and I damaged you some;
the length of forever
Is killed before its time!

The eternal journey
In now loveless path
Paved in grits of pain,
I travel alone in anguish
in hope of finding you again
in hope of finding me again
in hope of finding us again
then find love once again….

give me that promise!

A hand to hold,
in good times and in bad..
A shoulder to lean on,
in pleasure and in pain...
Patient ears to listen,
to my words and to my silence...
Those strong arms to hold...
protect me and care for me always...
A willing and loving heart,
to read my expressed and hidden feelings.
Darling, that loving person in you,
Is all that I need for my life...
Give me that one small promise;
And I will lay my life in your hands!

silence is eloquent....

Silence is what you hear
But pregnant is the quiescence
As I ponder when and what is due
Silent is what I choose to remain
The volumes so exchanged
Have their own eloquence…

I dance.....

I always loved to dance ever since I remember. I feel my best when I dance. That gay abandon, that exhilirating feeling free of all worldly worries. I love that feeling!
Here is again another poem straight out of my dancing heart.......


I dance for you
I dance for me
I dance for us
I dance for peace…

I dance for love
I dance with pain
I dance to drive
That pain away…

I dance with glee
I dance till am numb
I dance in hope
That you will be mine..

I dance in love
I dance in sorrow
I dance to dream
That we are back in love…

I dance in rain
I dance in shine
I dance in vain
That there's love to gain….

Roses have thorns......

This one is a result of some random scratching on the paint tool while I was bored browsing on my laptop this evening.....

No longer mourn for me......

One of my favorites from Shakespeare...



No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Than you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world with vilest worms to dwell:
Nay, if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it, for I love you so,
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot,
If thinking on me then should make you woe.
O! if, -I say you look upon this verse,
When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
Do not so much as my poor name rehearse;
But let your love even with my life decay;
Lest the wise world should look into your moan,
And mock you with me after I am gone

When I Was One And Twenty, by A.E. Housman.

When I Was One And Twenty


When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
'Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free.'
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
'The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.'
And I am two-and-twenty,
And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true.

Its not too late....

Despair is a big emotional trauma. After all, hope is the elixir of life! To give in to despair, to indulge in ones sorrow and give way to all the pangs and fury of despair is the biggest root cause of many a turmoil in ones life and more so in relationships.
Reflecting on our own life experience, we can look back at many such situations where we have given into despair and erred in that fury. Then the outcome of that error may change the course of your life partly or greately. Do we always get a chance to correct our mistakes? Do we see the opportunity to do so when we get one?? For how many lucky people does life give that second chance for correction?
Will I be one of those lucky ones someday??? Is it too late???

I was unable to accept love, therefore I was unable to give love. By realizing a few things, I am now ready to face my life's greatest challenge....Is it too late???? Will the angels above smile upon me some day????


It’s not too late... the angel said.
Even though the world’s a mess...
Even though you’re not as young...
Even though you’ve made mistakes and have been afraid
It’s not too late...
And then I saw the world through the angels’ eyes...
I saw the colors I could paint
The bridges I could build
The lives that I could touch
The dreams that could still come true
And it became very clear to me...
That it’s not too late. ”

poetry or you?

Heartache, and not your heart then

Was what I needed to write my poetry.

And while you loved me and I liked you,

I needed some time to heal and feel...

My poetry came in this meantime,

While I had your heart and also the ache.

It was your love that healed the ache

And I grew to love you from my like.

By then you lost your love for me

Then came the heart ache all over again...

I know now that it is your heart I need

And not the heartache you give;

For it is not the poetry I want to write,

But the next chapter of your and my life....

I want to give you my heart......

This is my latest sketch for another random scribbling (fondly called amateur poem) of mine...this time i drew the sketch for the poem i wrote. I wanted to sketch something that reflects the pain of a broken heart....





I want to give you my heart dear,
but it is so broken and damaged..
It was the cost of my reckless loving
which I indulged in once in the past,
that left my heart ruthlessly shattered;
bleeding with tears of deep hurt and pain!
I am now holding those fragile pieces
to patch them back and make it whole
so i can once again take and give love,
so I can once again laugh, live and love!
One day I promise to give you my heart
When it strong again to dare give love
But for now it needs a lot of mending
with a lot of care and lot more love….
Until then darling, I still need you
to be on my side and help me tend,
to give me strength and steer my will
for I need to fill my so bruised heart
with all love and hope it is so drained of
So I can give you all that you deserve
With my whole new restored heart…
Oh yes I want to give you my heart dear
but just one promise you make me now
that you will care for my mended heart
for it will never live if broken all over again!

Brown Penny by Yeats...

I whispered, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.


Came across this beautiful piece of poetry by WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS today. How beautifully he put in words the magic and essence of love....something every human being wants to experience in their life time.....wonder how many have gotten lucky! Sure you got to have that luck to love and more so, to be loved! That crazy, illogical, blind, thirsty feeling which draws you into its complex web of feelings and you spend probably the rest of your life trying to understand the logic in the illogic! Oh yes, yeats is true....Love indeed is a crooked thing....there is nobody wise enough to find out all that is in it........

my pencil sketches

I used to pencil sketch as a hobby back in school and on few occasions later apart from water color and crayon paintings. I am not a good artiste and never pursued improving this interest into a sharp skill. I did it more as a pass time hobby or out of an instinctive creative need to express.

Now again, after several several years, with all the time I found in hand and the gnawing boredom, I had this spur of a moment urge to sketch something again.....I looked around for a pencil (I did not have one) and then realized I probably had a small piece of pencil given out free at IKEA stores which I dropped into my bag after a recent visit.

I think the sketches most definitely need a lot of refining and a better definition but I still would like to post my first three creations after almost a decade....


The guilty tears
Drop silently
from grieving eyes
darkened by a haze
of deep remorse…
A glistening pool
forms a binding circle
under the ecliptic moon
In the dark shadows
Of her shame and guilt…
The fading night
Throws a dancing light
On the pool of sorrow
Awaiting a cleansing
From the morning dew…
And so she waits
With an aching heart
In hope of forgiveness
By her own pool
of her guilty tears…..
.




Your silent screams
You thought remained unheard
But no I heard them dear
For they stabbed me hard
through my very core
and will continue to pierce me
for the rest of my life…
I am now chained forever
in my own agony
and will never be set free
from my loss and your pain….
The helpless pain I inflicted
Most unsuspected on you
Seizes my conscience
Over and over again
tearing my soul apart
and dripping bloodless tears…
I lost a part of my soul
When I took away from you
The precious gift of your life
Oh so brutally and in shame…
All I can ask for now
Is that some day you forgive me
And I promise to join you
in the heavens above…
Until then sadly my dear
life goes on for me
In the prison I created
through my own agony…..

heart or mind?

I want to be silent
I also want to talk
I welcome solitude
I also feel lonely
I want to hide
I want to confront
I do want to love
I fear the heartbreak
I know not if I am sad
I know not if am happy
I know what I do not want
I do not know what I want
I seek that eternal peace
I also want to live

Oh this conflict
-of the heart and mind
Is there a way,
one can really understand??

Haiku or Hokku....an attempt

haiku or hokku
i know not the intricate difference yet
my first attempt it is-
-----------


dew drops
misty illusion of parting tears
between Dusk and dawn?

-----------

new sunrise
the rosy color of blushing bride
darkness of wounds follow
-------

memories
the true love of my life
is suddenly a past!

---------

ripples
shivering anticipation of lashing rains
welling tears in her eyes

-------

happily ever after
eternal love and bliss of life
death conquers all

------

high mountains
higher skies and deep sea
deeper my loneliness

------

Garden of memories.....

The wilted petals drop slowly to earth
From the flowers of my fading memories
Swept away by the warm summer breeze
And shed from my transmuting life garden

New life has sprung from the green patches
Sprouted from mulches I made of buried past
I see that bloom was that of mixed hues
Few colorful flowers and some dull weeds

I collect the broken twigs of what has been life
To make a bonfire and watch in flickering flames
Those parts of life I broke hardest from myself
The sagas from my broken heart and faded love

Life has been a huge garden of mixed dreams
Those passing seasons changing many a frame
Frozen winters leading to shining summers
The spring breathing new life into the barren

As I live on through the varied seasons of life
I drop regrets by the fall and await a new bloom
And through those moments of short lived joys
I cherish the bloom that I know will wilt soon….

happiness-love me, leave me not

Happiness
Love me and leave me not
hold me and grieve me not

Happiness
hold my tear and make me smile
take my fear and make it exile

Happiness
stay with me and give me spirit
be within me and let me merit

Happiness
heal my bruise and show me light
make me your muse and share my delight

Happiness
come to me please for I waited too long
appease my sad soul, to peace I belong.

life on wheels...

The still days and dark nights
Flow seamlessly into each other,
churning countless passing hours;
but none make any change to life...

The never ending dark nights,
come with stifling stillness..
only to transform into gloomy days
filled with never shining dullness

I know not the difference
between days and the nights,
Between the sleep and no sleep
or the conscious and sub conscious...

Somewhere between these moments
The living slipped into existing..
The passion into resignation
And then life started all over again……

relationships and rum cakes

I experimented baking the decadent rum cake for first time on my own. What a sinful pleasure digging into it mmmm.....and awww i also realised what a pain that indulging leaves behind after about 2 weeks ...all those ugly pounds you now have to take double the pain to get rid off! Reminds me of sweet-gone-sour relationships.....

You see it, you love it, you plunge in and devour it until the charm wears out and it begins to show the side effects you have not been warned about when you first started and by the time you realize, you are either stuck with the weight you cannot rid off or afraid to attempt to rid for the pain you have to go through! If thats not similar to a sweet or sour relationship then what is???

What makes a relationship click? Is there a perfect man or a woman out there whom we all dream for? But then dont we need to be perfect first to expect a perfect partner and who is perfect?? Well, love surely is beyond all those imperfections...

I guess the key is the level of adjustments and compromises you can make. How much are we willing to change for the person we love? But before that, do these guys even know what ticks a woman and how he can really get into her heart by the nice route?

Yes romance works. And as silly as all guys think, women are eternal romantics. The flowers, the balloons, the candles, moon light, silly deeds, the colors.....all work....most of the time.....however repetitive they all have been in the history of earth. But guys must remember, this woman has not been thru all that history! What ever is happening, is happening first time for her. She may have heard about it, read about it, seen it happening to others but would still absoutely take delight in it as a most innovative thing specially discovered for her by the beloved. Suckers for romance...sure we women are!

But what do you do when you are a romantic and your man is realistic? She loves candles and he thinks its a fire hazard. She loves flowers and balloons and teddies. He strongly believes they are a marketing gimmick and budgets the flower side of romance to just socially required situations. She loves watching gone with the wind...even if he is fast snoring beside her....Phew...so much for love when you dont share common interests and passion but then you are still in love? The saying - Men are from Mars and women from venus indeed sounds right! So between her fantasy's and his grounded ideals, do they manage to keep the flames of romance burning long enough to develop that deep bond of companionship that is beyond all those initial attractions? And if indeed the bond is broken before its formed, how easy or difficult is it for the scars to fade and shed that baggage? Is there a perfect relationship existing somewhere in reality or is it really something exclusive to the novels and movies? And between all this, when do you know that enough is enough? There is only a limit you can go to keep the act of good balance. Beyond that, its a bad balance needless to say a sweet cake turned stale fat man(woman?).

Well, the rum cake on the food network definitely looks more beautiful and yummy but mine is still the reality and it does taste good. While am still pondering on the nuances of the relationships, I decide my rum cake is a much safer thing to indulge in right now.......

mm mmm mmmmmm

Life, Love and Angst

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Alfred Tennyson - 1850


One wise person said - intentional or unintentional, one has to pay for the mistakes. No amount of remorse or tears or pleading is going to change the consequences.....Its quite true....Doesnt good experience come for bad judgements and the bad experiences lead to a good judgement??
We are aware of the good quotes..but rarely do we follow them in real life. Our impulse takes the better of us...that mindless, thought less instinct to experiment with the fire and tickle the risks!
Someone once said that life has a lot of U turns.....you get into a wrong lane, life gives you another chance to take a U turn and come back and start all over again...NOT TRUE!
Sometimes, you get into a thoughtless path and just get sucked into such a web of rapid consequences that, leave the U turn, it may take a long time for one to just get out of the spin!
We do certain mistakes for fun or out of sheer rebellion against our own inner self or any external factor. Little do we think what it may cost us later in life....sometimes as precious as self-worth, love, loved ones or even life!
U turns I'd say are only for the lucky ones...
Guess am not so lucky!!
But if ever life does give that U turn, I will try to make use of the good judgement. ..for,
Thousand words cannot change someone's mind, and thousand tears cannot bring them back...
If its possible to do that,
I will write a thousand books of apologies and shed a thousand floods of tears!

indulge me!

 


The flowering snow is whirling about like a hazy dream. Pure as an angel smile, divine petals are billowing from heavens above. The floating dew flakes caress my cheeks and murmur careless whispers before settling into glimmering layers on and around me. The child woman in me tries to make an imaginary form from the shapeless snow...Come on,indulge me...lets flirt & frolick, play with glee!

path of life...

I stop to look at the empty path,
the long route that i travelled..
I try to see what it cost in my life,
to move through that twisted path..
I see a collection of memories-
good, bad, happy and painful;
and some valuable lessons learnt
from those experiences and events...
the lessons influence my direction now,
some pleasant ones that left a mark
and some unpleasant that left a stain.
I try to wipe those crimson stains
and heal my wounds as i move ahead,
to make a better life in a new path
towards a life i so much want to live
full of love and full of care....
But the path i left not so long ago,
continues to beckon me back
with its haunting memories and promises
and everything i so much loved once..
I know this is a passing phase,
and i ought to move onto another way...
To heal my heart and bury my pain
to find that shelter and a solace.
And so i will myself to move on ahead ,
the memories hidden behind my tears
with determined allures of the new destination..
As i make that new foray,
I look back for one last glimpse
of the world i used to love...
i see it all in a blur fading away,
the path i can never come back to
the path that could never shelter me!

love me like love!

Love me my love
I need your love
Love me tender
Love me true
Love me wild
Love me kind
Love me slow
Love me more
Love me forever
Love me to eternity
Love me with passion
Love me with grace
Love me with your heart
Love me with your soul
Love me with all of you
Love me the whole of me
Love me like nothing else
Love me like love!

language of life!

They speak to me
in their own language..
I hear them, I feel them,
I respond and I learn...

From the drops of rain,
the falling leaves,
the grains of sand,
and the whispers of wind....

From the twinkling stars,
the fragrance of flowers,
the colors of rainbow,
and the passing clouds...

From the swirl of surf,
and the lapping waves;
Also the sound of silence,
and the lull of the storm...

The various expressions..
of the joy and sorrow,
of love and pain..
they all teach me
the language of life!

wandering soul

Her soul is wandering..restless to seek that solace and peace, anxious to leave behind the unwanted memories. Her haunting memories are driving her to some unknown destination. Her present is still entwined by some unseen bondage from the past and she is unable to disconnect these attachments. Some deep rooted memories refuse to leave her, shadowing her present, threatening to follow her future.
The light of hope and happiness seem to be blinking at a far away horizon. Each time she feels she reached the destination, the light seems to move away to the peripherals, enforcing her hope journey all over again. The days are dull, nights still, loneliness permeating through the soul of her existence, her senses sharpened by the pain flooded inside her.
She is fighting the impulse to end the whole charade called life!

Give me life

You walked into my life
when i least suspected

And you walked out
when i least expected

You taught me to love
and you gave me pain

You taught me friendship
and you became my enemy

You gave me strength
and you became my weakness

You became the light of my life
and later pushed me into darkness

You taught me to live
but you took my life with you

Give me my life back
For I cannot live without you....

i still love you

You came into my life,
like a breath of fresh air

You brought in hue of colors
lot of love and lot of care

You taught me to live life
to give and to take

You gave me all i ever wanted
and also what i did not

I know i havent said enough times
how much i loved and cared for you

I know its too late to say now
but i still want to tell you this

I loved you for what you were
i loved you for what you were not

I loved you for the love you gave
I loved you for the love you inspired

And

I also still love you in the pain you gave
when you broke my heart and left!

Rumblings of heart and mind...

It has been a while since i have written something on my page....Got too used to storing away the jumble of random thoughts deep in the memory banks for a want of nicer and appealing expressions. Well, i realized then i dont really want my page to 'look good' for others. And i went back to my original purpose of blogging.....bare my heart.

Talk about heart, out come the feelings...the memories and the emotions. I have been on a marathon introspection today...deeply immersed in thinking, thinking and more thinking. The past, the present, the future, the good times, the bad and the ugly...the wants, the haves and the desires....and my memory archives came alive with fluttering feelings and deep emotions.

Its funny sometimes the way a deep emotion or an unsuspected feeling is triggered by the smallest of an incident. Sometimes, you see an incident or read a line or view a picture or hear a word....it connects instantly to a deeply buried memory and brings it alive. You perceive this new incident and react to it positively or negatively based on whether or not your memory was good or bad or even neutral. Here starts the train of your thoughts in the direction predefined by your memory....the length of the journey dictated by the intensity of your emotions and availability of our time ...

The lazy sunday, empty house, read and over read books, boring tv channels gave me all this time to take this think-journey, not to mention the strong trigger (thats a secret!!). Anyway, after swimming, walking, talking, writing, flying and thinking these thoughts, I decided to wind it all up and do some blogging and share a lil of my thinking-day-experience.

Now, if your train of thoughts are still boarding the station, its time for me to wave the red flag and be kind to you :)...

I will try to get on the path towards peripheries to wisdom another day.....

cheerios!!!

Am Lost...Shall be back!

Am lost in the woods
treading the unknown path
will cross this road again
before i end the journey
for, life is a big circle
and we often end up
where we first started from!

Wanna know me???...read on...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Padmaja
Birthday:	17th April
Birthplace:	A remote village in Andhra Pradesh that you cant locate on map..in my grand parents home!
Current Location:	Nawwabi Hyderabad
Eye Color:	Brown-black
Hair Color:	Brown-black (and some red to thanks to the henna)
Height:	5ft 5"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Am always RIGHT!!! :)
Your Heritage:	I suspect royal (*gloat*).....
The Shoes You Wore Today:	hawai chappals geee....
Your Weakness:	Not much. Just designer clothes,diamonds,gold,few accessories.....
Your Fears:	Free falls, Water, Snakes, Dogs (Yes, am terrified of them)
Your Perfect Pizza:	mmmm spicy garden veggie with lots of cheese mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Buy a house
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	Laugh,Love,Live!
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I dont want to exercise today!
Your Best Physical Feature:	i like my eyes
Your Bedtime:	Highly erratic
Your Most Missed Memory:	its missed!
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	neither. Taco Bell
Single or Group Dates:	Both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino. Actually Latte (starbucks at that!)
Do you Smoke:	If fuming counts, i do.
Do you Swear:	Hell no!
Do you Sing:	Not when am awake. But my beautiful nose sings an adorable tune while am asleep (NO I DONT SNORE!!!)
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes Yes and Yes
Have you Been in Love:	In, out, in, out, currently midway...:D..Watch the space!!
Do you want to go to College:	Yes if someone can pay for it and me too
Do you want to get Married:	Been there done that.........
Do you belive in yourself:	yes.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Oh yes. puuuuuuuuke
Do you think you are Attractive:	YES
Are you a Health Freak:	moderately
Do you get along with your Parents:	not all times. but they are my parents. i love them
Do you like Thunderstorms:	NO
Do you play an Instrument:	heart strings, mind strings, patience cords
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes. cough syrup not counted
In the past month have you Smoked:	I fume everyday
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	which one??
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	am not telling
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	many times
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:	nope
In the past month have you been Dumped:	getting there the other way....
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	time for doing things i want
Ever been Drunk:	yess
Ever been called a Tease:	oh yes
Ever been Beaten up:	no way!
Ever Shoplifted:	need confirmation first if this page is under surveillance?
How do you want to Die:	Happy. All of a sudden. No suffering.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Child - Woman
What country would you most like to Visit:	Spain, Russia, France
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	blue
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	boy-short, girl-long.
Height:	tall
Weight:	the weight of being slim n healthy
Best Clothing Style:	trendy and comfy
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	none
Number of Piercings:	none
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	many. dont want to count.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Wake me from my dreams!

He came into my life
When I needed him the most
My dream man,
Will he make my dreams come true?

He talked about love
Of happiness and joy
Life seemed wonderful
So colorful and bright!

He did not judge me
He did not discourage
He did not chide me
He did not desert me!

He accepted me
Just the way I am
His heart so pure
His love unconditional!

He held my hand
Hugged me tight
Wiped my tears
Kissed away my fears !

Oh my dream man
Don’t let me go
Walk into my life
Wake me from my dreams!

moments...

I had plans for it
been waiting for it
been thinking about it
it came and went
i did not realize it
future to present
present to past
the moments
just slipped by
i am waiting again,
trying to hold on....
to the moments!!

Language of heart..

She is no poet
She is no artist
She knows no art
She has no tact
All that she has
Is a very lonely heart.

And deep in this heart
Is a magical story
With chapters of her life
Of her love and the pain
The feeling of which
She knows not how to share.

She knows no words
To express what she feels
But for those can read
There is a narration
As the language of emotion
Has its own expression.

And so the story unfolds
As one can read
The whisper of her breath,
The tremor of her voice,
The tremble of her lips,
And the catch in her throat.

The story continues
If one can see
The tear in her eye,
The search in her looks,
The shadows in her eyes,
The pain behind her smile.

There is more depth
To her untold story
If one can feel
The pall of her spirit,
The brooding of her soul,
And the quiver of her body.

And so the story unfolds
In its own language
For love has no language
Nor does the pain
It needs a feeling heart
To read another bleeding heart…

In the rush of life...

I crossed the path
In a careless rush
To reach a goal
I set to achieve..

I failed to notice
The beautiful landmarks
The hidden milestones,
Memories I could treasure..

I have learnt too late
This path is one-way
And I carelessly passed it over,
In my rush somewhere…


I missed those moments
To save my time
Only to spend more later
To re-live them all back…

The path of life
With varied moments strewn
I ignored so many,
To realize my folly late…

For the goal has a soul
Lost in the moments
Ignored far behind,
In the rush of life….

Flab woes....

I regret that every extra morsel and calorie i consumed without a second thought which resulted in the storage of all that extra fat and flab which made me run to madhav, the gym instructor and putting my dear life into his hard n coarse hands!
And ever since, my monster-killer of a gym instructor has been enjoying a sadistic pride in administering all his skills in putting me through a painfully rigorous workout leaving me all pooped out and sore with pain in every inch of my body for the rest of the day.
Ouch am soooo tired....I'd give anything this minute to get back to my bed and crash happily for next coupla hours to revive me and skip that sinister buffet of dinner, the inviting smells of which are already wafting into the work area. But poor me! Got work to do....but one needs some energy to work....and energy comes from food :).....and that divine-smelling-food is inviting from the pantry.....
NO! Be strong. Dont give in to temptation! No! No!
Ah em er....i can resist anything but temptation.....
No! just think of the extra set of those muscle wrenching exercises mad madhav will make you do....
OK OK...well, will settle for the alternate munch...
am prepared!
a pack of popcorn sitting pretty on my desk & tempting me very much right now...and the low- cal tiffin box packed for dinner time...:D... off course am prepared!!!
Will tak a break...n hav a popcorn!!!

ciao!!

Introspection of Relationships..

After the blue monday, i suddenly turned neurotically introspective today. Cant really say what triggered it though...

Have met with some friends yesterday, who have been a close group as good friends, just an year back while working in the same company. But once we all moved out into other companies, the intensity slowly died down and not surprisingly(but why am I still surprised and sad??); not everyone made a strong effort to keep up whatever has been built over those wonderful few months together....like its said, that people we meet in our life are like the co-passengers we meet on a train...we travel together for sometime and share the good or bad or best time and the depart never to meet unless you really make an effort to....well, i guess it makes it easy for us to attribute the broken or lost relationships (friends, aquaintances,relatives etc) to this train journey syndrome of life!!

Barring the real-life relationships like a kin-ship or a marriage relationship, I keep wondering what makes people want to be in contact with another person as a friend or an aquaintance?
It mostly starts with a need or by chance and remains later out of a habit. It someties dies when the involved members lose the fancy. It also dies sometimes when the people involved dont see any mutual benefit out of the relationship (in most cases). And offcourse those genuine few lucky ones where two people take a liking for each other and continue caring for each other and nurture the relationship through the growing years.

Guess things get easier to accept and live with when we adopt the difficult-to-live-by 'unconditional relationship'. But the concept of unconditional relationship seems to be a rarity in today's materialistic and opportunistic living one has adopted. 'A' says he wont visit 'B' because 'B' has not visited 'A' on his special day...and 'B' did not visit 'A' on his special day because he'd rather use this time to create a new opportunity to impress on his new boss by making himself more visible than it may have been required. 'C' wont contribute to the group gift for 'D' coz 'D' dint gift anything to 'C' in the past.......Issues, issues, issues..........Well, to each their own...who is the moral judge???

Morals, Ethics, Priorities are some facts of life we program ourselves to suit our own needs and convenience thus trying to exclude few complexities (so we think!). And we are on a continous chase of self-gratifying experiences and relationships. Every relationship is defined around a I-will-do-this-for-you-provided-I-get-this-back-in-return condition.

And this is precisely what I have been observing with the people around including myself. And in the shameful enlightenment which dawned on me, I suffered the most painful realization of how selfishly I have been or acted with some near and dear on several occasions(few of the many memories that my ego allowed to surface). The dejection(not exactly in literal sense) I faced from people I expected(in return to what I did for them, not materialistic though!) something from, made me realize how I may have exposed few others who expected something from me on some occasions to a similar treatment...

If not anything i hope this realization does, it atleast adds another goody-goody resolution to try to live by......

So Long!

Monday Blues..

After a lazy weekend which just zipped by, monday came in with an intense blue!
Mercifully, day started with some crazy work which bounced outta my mail box the moment i switched on my comp! Got another 2 hour to kill at work...and here i am trying my hand 2nd time blogging!
Got a dinner invite for tomorrow night from a friend who is back from the US....have skipped dinner tonite in the sinful anticipation of the extra calories am gonna tuck in tomorrow! How I wish I retain this self-restrain everyday...psssss!!
That reminds me...bunch of us friends went to this happening pub yesterday night - Bottles&Chimneys but unfortunately the scene was ssad! cricket being screened till almost 11 pm and hardly any crowd....how boring! but the long drive i went on later with a friend was superb....hmm love hyderabad roads at midnight...they are so beautiful!!

Apart from a miriad other things in my to-do list for everyday, i also included posting regularly on my blog page also...

so back later,
ciao for now!

Hurray!! I DONNIT!

I finally mustered enough courage to break out from my shy traps and open a Blog page....never thot I could speak out to unknown people...but now that I have done it, I feel quite elated!

After 45 days of idylling at desk in the new job (bosses still dint figure out how to use me and my skills!things seem to be happening in reverse order over here.....employ person first and create work next!!!!!) i finally started getting lil bit of work...mercy! This idle free time has given me ample time for general browsing and thats when Blogging caught my interest! And here I am...

Well, will come back again with more & more....thts all for the first post from my keyboard!!